Using Screen Time to Connect Families Over the Holidays

The holiday season often comes with competing pressures. We want rest, we want genuine time with the people we care about, and we also want a break from the usual routines. Screens usually end up in the middle of these competing needs. They get blamed for taking people away from each other, but in reality screen time itself is not the problem. It is how and when we use it.

As a psychologist who works with children, teens, and gaming-engaged families, I see every day how screens can bring people together when the intention is connection rather than escape. With a bit of thought, screens and games can support closeness, help people regulate during an emotionally intense time of year, and make family interactions feel easier rather than harder.

When Screens and Gaming Support Connection

Shared gaming can genuinely bring families together. When parents sit down and play alongside their children even for a short time the dynamic changes. Multiplayer and cooperative games create shared laughter and shared goals, and they put everyone on an equal footing. For many kids and teens video games are the place where they feel most confident and most understood. Joining them there sends a powerful message that their interests matter.

Screens can also create low-pressure connection. Holidays are social, noisy, and unpredictable. Many children especially those who are autistic or have ADHD (or both!) find that level of stimulation difficult to handle. Watching a movie together or building something in Minecraft side by side can give everyone a calm shared activity without demands for eye contact or constant conversation. It is a way of being together without overwhelm.

Screens also connect families who can’t be in the same place. Video calls, online games with cousins, or watching a Christmas movie at the same time from different houses can make distance feel much smaller. These moments matter, especially for children.

And sometimes screens simply provide the break everyone needs. Rest is not the opposite of connection. Often it is what makes connection possible. When children have had time to decompress with the activities they enjoy they are usually more settled, more regulated, and more available for family engagement later on.

When Screens Start to Get in the Way

There are times when screens can compete with the moments you want to protect. If devices dominate family rituals, for example meals, present opening, or end-of-day wind-down routines, it becomes harder to create the memories and connection that holidays are meant to hold. These moments work best when screens are put aside and families are fully present with each other.

Screens can also increase overstimulation for some children. Fast-paced or competitive games might make emotional regulation harder and transitions more difficult. In these situations it can help to guide children toward calmer screen-based activities or switch to something you can do together.

Sometimes screens become a complete retreat from family interaction. Children often escape into screens not because they are uninterested but because they are overwhelmed. In these moments connection tends to come from gentle invitations rather than punishment or restriction. Asking a child to show you what they are playing or offering a quiet break together can be enough to bring them back into the family space.

And of course adults can fall into the same trap. It is easy to disappear into work emails or scrolling. Even small changes help. Putting the phone down for a few minutes, letting children know when you will be available again, and being intentional about your own screen habits shows children what healthy balance looks like.

Creating a Screen Plan That Works for Your Family

Families do not need strict rules, but clear expectations make holidays smoother. Many parents find it helpful to create predictable patterns such as a planned movie night, set screen-free pockets during meals or gift giving, and agreed-upon times for individual downtime.

A useful question for parents is simply this: is this particular screen use helping us connect, helping someone regulate, or getting in the way of the connection we want? If it is doing the first two it is probably serving your family well. If it is doing the last one it might be time to pause or reset.

Final Thoughts

Screens and gaming are not the opposite of family time. They are part of modern family life and with intention they can strengthen relationships rather than weaken them. The goal is not to remove screens, it is to shape how they are used. When screens support connection, rest, regulation, and shared enjoyment they become tools that bring families closer together during a season where connection matters most.